


The Loudest Bang

by Jeldenil



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, MythBusters RPF
Genre: Don't copy to other sites, Explosions, M/M, Magic, experimenting, muggle techniques
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-03-01 06:05:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeldenil/pseuds/Jeldenil
Summary: “You’re not going to use a nuclear weapon on Gringotts’ strongest vault, Potter.”





	The Loudest Bang

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my beta, O (will properly tag you once the reveal is done), my cheerleader S, and A and T who read my original plans and fic that ultimately went out the window. You are all wonderful.
> 
> \---
> 
> I have not given permission for this fic to be present on any App. I make no money out of this. Do not use applications to read this. Every fic on Ao3 can be downloaded to be read offline.  
> 

There’s a long silence. Two men sit across from each other at a table in a studio workshop, staring at each other. The table is covered in paper and parchment. Some of the documents are filled with neat, tight handwriting. Others contain sketches and rough, hardly legible notes. The table is set in front of a shelf holding books, tools, abandoned projects and various curious instruments. The dark-haired man on the right is wearing glasses and overalls. His companion, pale and blond, looks like he just stepped out of a menswear magazine.

“Magic,” The blond man says at last, his voice clipped and collected.  
“Muggle technique,” The other man counters, his eyebrows knitting together. There’s a lightning-shaped scar crossing his forehead. He sounds weary. If a voice could roll its eyes, this man’s voice would.  
“Hogwash,” The blond man says, almost triumphantly. “I present you with Erumpent-horn.”  
“Been there, done that.” The man in glasses leans back in his chair, until it starts to slip on the floor and he hastily sits back forward. 

“The point is, Malfoy,” he continues, pretending he didn’t just almost fall over, “Muggles have atom bombs. Ever heard of Hiroshima?”  
“You’re not going to use a nuclear weapon on Gringotts’ strongest vault, Potter,” The man called Malfoy says, raising one eyebrow. “Of course I heard of atom bombs and the atrocities committed in Japan. It was a scandal even in our circles. I object against using weapons of mass destruction for this experiment - you wouldn’t want to cast an unforgivable on any Muggle objects.” 

“Right, so no weapons of mass destruction then,” the man called Potter agrees. “That leaves us with… ordinary spells and explosives?”  
“Obviously.” Malfoy reaches for a piece of parchment and a quill, and writes it down. “Rule number three: no weapons of mass destruction, either Muggle or magical, may be used to achieve the objectary.” 

“Okay. Well. I insist we use Muggle devices to measure the impact of the explosions.” Potter says it like he expects a concession for not using nuclear bombs.  
“I don’t see why we can’t use a Noise-o-Meter,” Malfoy mutters. He stands up and walks a few paces towards Potter. “They’re very dependable. The one in my family has been around for generations.” 

“That something is very old makes it less likely to be accurate,” Potter counters, his voice a little higher than it was. Malfoy smirks at him, noticing the effect of his closer proximity.  
“You wouldn’t say that about your father’s cloak.”  
Potter hesitates, then shakes his head. “I wouldn’t. But that’s a Hallow. Your family’s Noise-o-Meter is not.”  
“It’s an Heirloom. That’s powerful magic, Potter.” Malfoy points a finger in Potter’s direction, but this time the other man doesn’t budge.  
“I’m not using the Malfoy Noise-o-Meter. Or any other Noise-o-Meter for that measure. We will use decibel meters from the science institute and that’s final. It’s scientific and reliable and it’ll be fair.”  
They stare at each other for several seconds again, silently battling for dominance.  
“Fine,” Malfoy gives in at last, sighs, and goes back to his seat to scribble down what they just agreed on. “Rule number four: results of this experiments will be recorded on Muggle devices with Daisy’s Bells. Whatever that means.” Potter starts to chuckle and Malfoy glares at him. 

“What’s so funny?”

“Decibel. Not Daisy’s bell. It’s the scientific term for the units in which sound can be measured. It’s named after Alexander Graham Bell, the Muggle scientist who also invented the telephone.”  
“Muggle scientist called Bell, invented the telephone,” Malfoy repeats, sounding incredulous. “Do you take me for a fool, Potter?”  
“Oh, you don’t believe me. What else is new.” This time it’s Potter who gets up, walks over to Malfoy and takes a book from the shelf behind him, slamming it on the table. “Here.”  
Malfoy’s cheeks colour pink, but he takes the book and looks at the title: Alexander Graham Bell, his life and work. There’s a picture of an old model telephone on the cover, and a portrait of the inventor.  
“Right, Potter. You win this round. We’ll start the experiment tomorrow.”

In the adjacent room, two people are filming the interaction. A woman with her dark curls tied into a messy ponytail and a lanky, red-haired man. They share an exasperated look.  
“When will they just shag already?” The red-haired man sighs.  
“Ronald Weasley,” the woman says in a stern tone. “You can’t force it. Love is like science in a way. It takes time. They need to be certain.”  
Ronald Weasley nods, but doesn’t look happy.  
“I’m tired of them, Hermione. How long have they been dancing around each other now?”  
“Longer than us,” Hermione replies with a fond smile. “But I’m glad we got them to work together at least. It’s a start.” 

The following day, they are all out in a remote, dry valley. Potter’s brought several different kinds of explosives with him. Malfoy just carries a wand. The vault they are about to blow up looks odd and ancient, and a group of nervous-looking goblins scatter hastily away when the humans approach.  
“If it wasn’t empty, you’d never have gotten away with this,” one of them says with a glare at the group.  
“It’s for science,” Hermione tells him, setting up cameras and decibel meters.  
“It’s ours,” Potter adds, pointing at himself and Malfoy. “We’re the Black Heirs. Bellatrix was a Death Eater. She died and her possessions were nullified. Her vault is now ours to do with as we please.”  
The goblin grumbles, but stalks away. Hermione hands out earmuffs.  
“Who goes first?” Ron asks, looking at Potter and Malfoy. They both raise their hands and both Ronald and Hermione sigh. 

“We’ll flip a coin,” Ronald says, and does exactly that. Malfoy, elated he won the bet, points his wand at the vault. Hermione just manages to cover her and his ears with their earmuffs before he shouts a spell.  
“Bombarda Maxima!” A rather noisy explosion follows. The vault is perfectly unharmed. Potter looks triumphant.  
“That didn’t do anything. My bet is on dynamite.”

They install the materials and take cover. Potter presses a button. There is an even more deafening bang, but the vault looks like nothing touched it.  
Aggravated, Malfoy tries his magic. He casts a spell of his own invention, _Causa Satani_ , but yields no results besides Ronald complaining his ears are ringing.  
Potter tries, this time by filling the vault with gas and setting it alight. Nothing.  
They go back and forth, each noise a little louder every time, until Hermione declares they can’t risk their hearing any more. The vault is the victor of the day.

“That last explosion definitely was the loudest,” Potter says with a wide smile, his voice raised because he’s still a little deaf from the impact.  
“Fine, Muggles make the worst noise,” Malfoy gives in. “But magic resisted it best.”  
“What spells did they cast on that vault?’ Hermione wonders out loud.  
“Something Goblin,” Ronald says, and then he stops in his tracks.  
Malfoy and Potter are enraptured with each other - the latter has pulled the first into an embrace, thanking him for the fun they had that day. Malfoy’s blushing, his eyes alight with affection as he finally, finally presses his lips against Potter’s- There are no explosions as amazing as the applause and cheers now bursting loose from their friends.  
“Results: satisfying. Myth confirmed.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of "Lights, Camera, Drarry" (LCDrarry), a film-, TV- and theatre-inspired Drarry fest.  
>  Creations are posted anonymously during the posting period. The creators will be revealed on [tumblr](http://lcdrarry.tumblr.com) and [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/LCDrarry2019/works) on 15 June.


End file.
